I like the way the future happens in front of other stuff... like today and yesterday.
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“Miniature...
She walked into my office like a snake walking up to a badger or whatever the hell snakes eat. Except snakes sllther and she walked. But believe me, if snakes had legs they would walk like this dame slithered.
PI Spencer Marx in Trouble’s Up in Alphabet Town.
Serialized audiobooks distributed via RSS (like a podcast). Receive episodes via RSS or download from the site.
But you have to understand, this isn’t about the facts—it only seems like it’s about the facts. Look, this is a trial. Which means we make the best case we can and if we do that well, we earn a chance of winning. It’s kind of like buying a ticket to a justice raffle, except this time our odds of winning are so bad, it’s more like a justice kino ticket.
How to Succeed in Evil by Patrick E McLean
Edwin Windsor reflects on the suit he’s chosen for the funeral of his closest friend.
The fabric of the suit was black… so black it seemed to suck light from the room. The line of the shoulder so soft and alive, it seemed to move like water deep underground. As Edwin slid the jacket over his shoulders, it was as if darkness poured over his frame.
How to Succeed in Evil by Patrick E McLean
And it wasn’t just that Excelsior was cheating. That’s one thing. But, what really got to Topper was that it was unfair in an unfair way. Cheating was there for the little guy to level the playing field. It wasn’t there to make the strong guys stronger or the fast guys faster. Excelsior was clearly breaking all the rules of breaking the rules. It was just wrong.
How to Succeed in Evil by Patrick E McLean
Topper: Your honor, I’m not even sure what that means. But, I’m pretty sure we’re gonna have to object, if only on the grounds that Shakespeare over there is wasting our time.
Judge Perkins: Vague objection overruled. But counsel is instructed to use a mode of speech originating in this century.
Iphagenia pressed her desiccated lips together and squinted, “Mr Windsor, I have shared my dream with you.” And here she blinked back tears of the purest distilled crazy.
In response to Edwin Windsor, Evil Efficiency Consultant. How to Succeed in Evil by Patrick E McLean.
I’ve been listening to the podcast. I highly recommend it.
Norm Sherman (producer of one of my favorite podcasts, The Drabblecast) laments the innocence of bygone Halloweens…
… when the worst thing that could happen to you was to have strangers abduct you, throw a bag over your head and take you out into the middle of the woods where a long set of ritualistic stone-altar druids patiently wait to receive your flailing body with their cold obsidian sacrificial knives.
Yeah. That could still happen, I guess.
Well, then, before this scene turns into something I can’t help but see every time I close my eyes, I will go ahead and step away to any room but this one.
Dr Xander Crowe
Dr Xander Crowe:
Young Master Details suggested to me that you once worked in a carnival. Is that so?
Jimmy Details:
He hypnotized me, Dee! He used his powers of persuasion!
Xander:
I gave him fifty cents and a half-eaten chocolate bar.
Jimmy:
I was hungry! That dampens my will power.
Deidre Frost:
It's not a secret, Jimmy. I just don't advertise.
Jimmy:
I totally didn't tell him about the shrunken head.
Xander:
Ahhh.... Quite right. Quite right. Not interested. Now. About this carnival...
Jimmy:
Did you know a Lobster Boy?
Doctor Xander Crowe was a formidable psychologist until a terrible tragedy sent him spiraling down the dark pathways of the occult. Now, a strange vision leads Doctor Crowe to the hidden town of Wormwood, where shadows lurk in every corner and evil stains the souls of the inhabitants. Welcome to Wormwood.
You’ve reached Sparrow. Give me a compelling reason to call you back.
-Outgoing message on Sparrow’s voicemail.
My patience just jumped off a cliff out of sheer boredom.
From the podcast, Wormwood.
Dr Xander Crowe is mistaken for another and tackled by the innkeeper, Hank Mason.
Hank Mason: Sorry!
Dr Xander Crowe: I’ve been in worse, actually. So, then, you must be Mr Bare-Chested Innkeeper.
Hank: Hank Mason.
Dr Crowe: Mr Mason, I am Dr Xander Crowe. I’ll rather unfortunately be staying here for a few days. I’ve taken the liberty of letting myself into Room 6 and, as you’ll see, I have left money on the counter.
Hank: How’d you get in the room? I’ve got the keys locked up.
Dr Crowe: Well, I’ve a habit of getting into things, I’m afraid. Nothing’s stolen. There’s money on the counter.
Hank: I uh.. Well, sorry about the mix-up Dr Crowe.
Dr Crowe: Yes, well, it’s a reception I’m getting used to. I’ll let you get back to Mrs Innkeeper, then.
Hank: I’m not married.
Dr Crowe: I’m sorry. I just assumed that the rather curvaceous silhouette in the window… Well, Mr Mason, I guess I’m not the only one who has a habit of getting into things. Hm?
Hank: Can I do anything else for you… Doctor?
Dr Crowe: No, I think physical assault was enough for one night. Good for the blood. Unless..
Hank: Hm?
Dr Crowe: Have you seen a dead woman recently? Blonde. Probably bloated from drowning.
Hank: Can’t say that I have.
Dr Crowe: Well, I suppose that’s that then. Carry on!
Hank: I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr Crowe.
Dr Crowe: Yes, yes. I suppose you must.
Okay, look… I’ve got a couple of advantages here. First one— I know what’s going on. Now, why don’t you get out of my way before I show you the second one?!
