Bertie attempts to recover from a “little dinner” he’d given the night before for his pal, Gussie Fink-Nottle.
Enchantment by Orson Scott Card
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Silver Pigs: A Detective Novel in Ancient Rome by Lindsey Davis
Harry is being detained by a rookie cop. Sorta.
"Uh, hey…?", he said feebly. "Maybe you should sit down. You don’t look so good and you’re sort of under arrest still."
"I can’t be under arrest now." I said back to him. "I don’t have time."
So, because your granny can’t find the time to put pen to paper and assure me that you two will be educated, I had to get on a 5am train and sit next to a man who sniffed his own armpits over and over again for 2 hours!
Ms Smirt, caseworker for the Sisters Grimm.
The Sisters Grimm: The Unusual Suspects by Michael Buckley
Children in Heat by Chad Fifer
That is almost the full extent of crime in our organized, dandified society: ninety-nine percent of it, let’s say. It is that last and vital one percent that keeps the police departments in business. That one percent is me.
Going for a stroll to stretch his legs after his long journey, Colonel Wedge had supposed himself to be alone with nature. The shock of discovering that what he had taken for a pile of old clothes was alive and a relation by marriage, caused him to speak a little sharply.
"Good God, Clarence, is that you? What on earth are you doing out here this time of night?"
Lord Emsworth had no secrets from his nearest and dearest. He replied that he was listening to his pig. And the statement caused his companion to wince as if some old wound had troubled him. Egbert Wedge had long held the view that the head of the family into which he had married approached more closely to the purely cuckoo every time he saw him. But, this seemed to mark a bigger stride in that direction than usual.
"Listening to your pig?" he said, in an almost awestruck voice. And paused for a moment, digesting this information.
Just in case you don’t have enough to watch.
The Internet Archive is an amazing resource for free access to film, music, books, etc… There are several film collections, including feature films—just scroll down to find them. You might not ever get there, due to all the distracting and rather fascinating collections of home movies, propaganda films, stock film and public domain film mashups.
Open Culture has a pretty big list of links to free films. I’m not sure how up-to-date it is.
No matter how many times you see the dead walk, you always forget just how rubbish they are when they really get moving. Sure, they look okay when they first break through the wall. They get points for shock value; their gaping sockets and gnashing teeth. And sometimes, if the reanimation spell is really up to scratch, there are disembodied screams.
But then they start pursuing you clumsily around the temple; pelvises jerking, femurs high kicking, holding out their bony arms in a way that’s meant to be sinister but looks more as if they’re about to sit down at a piano and bash out a honky tonk rag.
And the faster they go, the more their teeth start rattling and the more their necklaces bounce up and get lodged in their eyeholes. And then they start tripping over their grave clothes and tumbling to the floor and generally getting in the way of any nimble footed djinni who happens to be passing. And as is the way with skeletons never once do they come out with any really good one-liners, which might add a bit of zest to the life-or-death situation you’re in.
"Oh, come on" I said, as I hung from the wall. "There must be someone here worth talking to.”
Bartimaeus from The Ring of Solomon by Jonathan Stroud. Just telling it like it is.
Bartimaeus in The Ring of Solomon by Jonathan Stroud
Bartimaeus gently reminds his boss that she’s going to get them killed. From The Ring of Solomon by Jonathan Stroud. Read the book or if you subscribe to Audible, I highly recommend you buy the audiobook, read by the incomparable Simon Jones.
Thought this story was cute and funny.
Jen asked for nothing else because she knew that happiness was having a dragon for a friend and someone else to clean out her toilet.